Two Limericks

I. Marvelous Blarney
There once was a man from Killarney
Who looked like a lumpy Art Carney.
   His cup, though, was brimmin'
   With beautiful women
Because he spoke marvelous blarney.

II. Dirty Girl
There once was a horny young druid
Who watched as a woman bathed nuid.
   She got out the tub,
   And she gave him a rub,
And he slimed her with seminal fluid.  

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Three Limericks

I. Lots of Luck
There once was an old Irish rover
Discovered a bright four-leaf clover.
   He reached down to pluck it
   And then kicked the bucket:
He bent down and died bending over.

II. Fairy Folk
A bonny young lassie named Mary
Fell hard for a laddie from Derry
   Who never would try her,
   But only passed by her,
A fairy in search of a fairy.

III. Boogers the Best
There once was a man from Racine
With boogers the best ever seen:
   He'd pick one and lick it,
   Then roll it and flick it
Till all of his fingers were green.

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A Drinking Song

Oh, give to me the freshest drink,—
   A draught as smooth as silk
And whiter than the kitchen sink,—
   A pail full of milk!

Pour it with love, and watch it flow,
   (Nor spill a drop, for dread!)
Pour it precisely, enjoy the show,
   And give it a foamy head!

I drink it ere the morning sun
   Hath waked the early bird:
I wake and make a midnight run
   To taste the lazy herd.

I rise at dawn and drink again,
   And drink throughout the day;
Then drink a nightcap (or nine or ten)
   And dream of curds and whey.

I've heard it said I drink too much,
   And this is understood;
But man has never died from such,
   And, oh! it's just so good!

*