Two Limericks

I. Marvelous Blarney
There once was a man from Killarney
Who looked like a lumpy Art Carney.
   His cup, though, was brimmin'
   With beautiful women
Because he spoke marvelous blarney.

II. Dirty Girl
There once was a horny young druid
Who watched as a woman bathed nuid.
   She got out the tub,
   And she gave him a rub,
And he slimed her with seminal fluid.  

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Yet Another Dark Lady

Some hold it true that Erin’s creamy skin
Is clearly fairest in both grain and hue;
And I have seen such porcelain skin as hin-
ted quite convincingly that this was true.
Some hold it true the Aztec’s nut-brown hide
(Made with Quetzal’s chocolate from long ago)
Is fairest, and understandably deride
The purblind eyes of those who do not know.
And others, still, prefer a different cast,—
A different color, texture, shade, and tone.
And most enjoy a rude debate on taste.
I argue not, but leave them all alone:
I’d rather go and dream a blissful dream
Of chocolate skin kissed wet with Irish cream.

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Chasing the Leprechaun

Tell me friend,  have you ever seen 
A leprechaun in a suit o' green
       With an impish grin? 
       You haven't?  Well,
You must not know the magic spell!
       Now listen in:

You take a pipe and puff and pass
A green as green as Erin's grass,
       Then take a glass
       Of whiskey and beer,
And chase the smoke, and choke with cheer: 
       One will appear!

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